


Living in pieces

by Natallee_Kae



Category: Call of Duty (Video Games)
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Canon, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25913209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natallee_Kae/pseuds/Natallee_Kae
Summary: Living without his left arm felt like nothing at Atlas. After the months following the incident, he was happy to immediately replace the space with a piece of metal, glitches and all. It was almost as if he never lost it at all.Jack Mitchell was left armless after his prosthetic fell into the fire along with Irons. Now he has to continue with his life with a piece of himself missing.
Relationships: Gideon/Jack Mitchell (Call of Duty)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	1. Feeling Broken

Living without his left arm felt like nothing at Atlas. After the months following the incident, he was happy to immediately replace the space with a piece of metal, glitches and all. It was almost as if he never lost it at all.

As soon as the prosthetic was destroyed, it was like he was back at square one. As if he had just lost the arm. He couldn’t help but mourn his loss as if it was a loved one; his precious arm. He hated Irons with all his heart, but he couldn’t deny his reliance on that gift he gave him.

It didn’t matter anymore. The arm was gone and Sentinal had no access to the sort of technology Atlas did. Now he was stuck with a stump and a sense of failure he carried around everywhere.

Jack sighed as he entered his room he shared with a few other Sentinel soldiers, running his hands along the metal beams of the bunk bed. The room was empty, and the blue linen of the beds had been made. The lights were off but the half open window illuminated the pristine room. Jack didn’t hate the cleanliness, but he missed the organised mess of a personal bedroom. He hadn’t slept alone since he was 19 before he enlisted in the Marines.

Jack headed toward his side of the room and sat on his bunk. He had been lucky to have arrived before the other soldiers in his room, he much preferred the lower bunk and wouldn’t have bothered with an argument over it. He placed his face in his hand and ran it through his uncombed, disorganised hair. He was on his 2 pm break from training and had an hour of doing whatever-the-fuck. He never knew what to do, so he often opted to wander aimlessly until he ended up somewhere.

Jack had been pretty solitary since his first entry into Sentinal. Back then it was just a task force, he hadn’t expected his connection with it to continue after the fall of Atlas. Sentinal expanded however, and Jack remained. He was glad that he still had something to do, somewhere to go. He wouldn’t know what to do otherwise, he would be purposeless. He hadn’t made many new friends, keeping to the people he knew already. He didn’t _try_ to push people away, he just found himself enjoying the quiet.

Or maybe he _did_ hate being around others. He never felt like that at Atlas. Maybe it was his arm. Back at Atlas, no one had to know that he was an amputee. But at Sentinel, his shortcomings were laid bare for everyone to see.

He looked at his watch. 2:27. The sun was now shining directly into his eyes which he noticed he had unconsciously screwed shut. _Should I be doing something?_ Jack found himself growing restless. He had in fact noticed this after lost his prosthetic. He felt a little thrown aside, a little useless. No one had been treating him like that in an obvious way, but it was the sympathetic looks and the casual remarks and offers for help over simple tasks.

Gideon was different though. He was irritating, he was _tormenting_. 

_“If you can’t do it without the prosthetic then you’re useless. Do it again “_

Jack sighed again. He knew Gideon was just pushing because he knew he was capable but it was still getting to him. He didn’t feel very capable, and he knew he couldn’t go back out into the field until a prosthetic was developed for him. He was often reminded that engineers were going as fast as they could, but it seemed like it would never happen.

It was 2:33 now. He had spent 15 minutes doing absolutely fuck-all. He picked himself up from the bed and made his way to the bathroom. The bench was crowded with his different roommates’ supplies, including their various toothbrushes. They had their own separate draws for personal items.

He stared at his own image in the mirror, brow furrowing at what he saw. Dark rings under his eyes, and absolute exhaustion. His hair was worse than he though too. He was covered in sweat from the morning’s training. He pulled his eyes away from the mirror and reached into a drawer, pulling out a packet of pills. Jack glared at them. He had been taking anti-depressants for two months after he was diagnosed by the onsite psychiatrist, and they had done nothing except prevent him from sleeping. He checked how many were left, noting that that he had about a week’s supply left, and dropped them back into the draw. He hated how they made him tired but wouldn’t let him sleep.

He hastily splashed water on his face and ran his fingers through his hair until it looked somewhat presentable and left the bathroom.

As he made his way out the door, he looked back at the room. For a second, the sun almost reminded him of home. Not Sentinal, not Atlas. But real home back in Texas, with his parents and Will and the light that always shined directly into bedroom when Will and him played video games in the afternoon after school.

But that was all the in the past. Jack closed the door behind him.

* * *

Jack had endured the day, but he didn’t know if it was worth it. He had done okay in target practice, thought it was humiliating to not be able to reload the weapon himself. Why was he even training anyway if he couldn’t do anything on his own?

At least he had gotten a “decent” from Gideon.

The winter made the dark come quick, and by 6 pm after being excused from training, the lights in the Sentinal base were all on. The crowd of other soldiers surrounded him as they exited the training area talking excitedly about their successes and improvements. He had already collected all of his things and aimed to quickly head off. Jack didn’t really talk to anyone, only noticing Ilona in the corner of his eye talking to someone else. A part of him wanted to talk to her, it had been almost two days since they had even said hello to each other. The other part of him wanted nothing but to escape the crowd.

He didn’t need to make a choice; Ilona had spotted him. She smiled at the person she was talking to and waved goodbye before hurriedly walking towards Jack with a bright smile.

“Jack!” she exclaimed in greeting drawing close. Jack flashed a weak smile which grew genuine as she drew near. It was hard not to feel a little relaxed around her. Ilona took a moment to regain her composure as she had clearly been puffed out from training. Her brown hair was tied up in her usual ponytail, however it was slightly dishevelled.

“Why does it feel like we never get to talk?” she laughed as she walked up to his side, her prominent accent shining through.

Jack shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess we’re just busy.”

“We were always busy but we’ve never been this separate. We should go get a drink one of these days.”

Jack laughed “There’s no way I’d be able to keep up with you! You could probably drink ten times the amount I could.” Ilona chuckled.

“I guess we’ll just have to find out” she replied, her bright expression morphing into something more serious “So, Jack. How have you been holding up?”

Jack knew where this conversation was heading. Ilona was one of the few people who knew about his depression. While it was more comfortable to keep his feelings to himself, he knew it was healthy to talk to people. It was lucky he had Ilona.

“I’ve been ok. Not amazing. Not awful.” He averted his gaze to the floor. “I’ve been struggling to fall asleep.” Ilona hummed in understanding.

“It’s the meds right? They’ve been keeping you up?” Jack nodded. “Have you talked to your psychiatrist about it?”  
“Not yet” Jack had been dreading talking to his psychiatrist. He hated feeling broken. “What are they going to do about it anyway?”

“I don’t know Jack.” She placed her arm on his shoulder. “Just know I’m here for you if you need.”

“Thanks Ilona.” She reached in for a hug. Jack placed his arms around her; it had been ages since he’d hugged anyone. He couldn’t even remember the last person. Maybe it was Will years and years ago.

They parted, and Ilona gave him a smile full of comfort but tinged with concern.

“Don’t push yourself, Jack” she said.

“I’ll try. I’ll see you around” Jack replied, knowing that it would be another while before they would have a chance to talk again. Besides, they were always busy with their own things, they wouldn’t be able to hang out for long. He also felt exhausted all the time.

“See you around!” she smiled and headed off towards to where she had left some of her items. Jack hoisted his duffel bag further up his right shoulder and walked towards the direction of the male residence building of the base which was about a 300 metre walk from the training grounds. By now there were hardly any people around. Jack could admire the strange serenity of the quiet, dark base, only illuminated by LED’s.

Around now was the time people would shower and then go to the mess hall for dinner. Jack usually skipped dinner. He was never hungry at night, and he hated eating in the hall. His plans were usually to shower, and collapse on his bed by 7, go on the internet until 12, and lay there until falling asleep at 2.

As he walked, his body ached with every step, the exhaustion setting in. The bag was heavy on his shoulder and he wished he could switch it to his other one. He could see the residence building in front of him, the glowing of the windows and the silhouettes of people.

Suddenly, he stopped. _What if I just didn’t go to bed? What if I just go somewhere?_ He didn’t know where but going anywhere would be more productive than lying in bed.

* * *

So Jack found himself on the roof of the tallest building in the base. It stood high enough that he could see the entire base. It was strangely beautiful. The wind clawed at his ears and tousled his hair. He felt like a child again. A child who had climbed the highest tree in the park and watched the people below as they carried on with their lives while he stood above it all.

The moon was extremely bright too. If he reached out he could probably touch it. He stepped forward, leaning his upper body over the metal railing, lifting his right arm up and feeling the air move past it.

For the first time, Jack felt calm. Jack felt happy.

“What the hell do you think you’re bloody doing?” a very familiar voice called out from behind him. Jack turned to see Gideon with an extremely disgruntled look on his face. Jack looked at him with confusion.

“Did you… did you follow me?!” Jack exclaimed.  
“What the fuck are you doing up here?” Gideon shouted in return, raising his voice above the wind. “Are you doing something stupid?”

For a second, Jack was confused. And then he realized.

“Oh” he stepped back from the railing. “I’m not doing anything stupid. I’m just… getting some air.”

Gideon stepped closer. “Getting some air?” He chuckled, clearly full of doubt. “You can get air on the ground.”

“Not air like this” Jack replied, looking back out at the sky where the moon shone brightly. Gideon stood shoulder to shoulder with Jack and looked at the sky too.

“It looks like the moon,” Gideon said confusedly. Jack laughed.

“I know. I just haven’t had time to get away from it all. Just to do something out the ordinary, like climb a building and look at the moon for no reason.” Gideon was silent for a moment.

“Well that’s fucking dumb”

“I know.”

They stood in silence for a few seconds, until Gideon spoke up.

“Jack, you’re going to like this.” Jack quickly turned his head to look at Gideon who still was looking out at the sky. “your arm. They’ve developed a prototype.”

“I-“ Jack furrowed his brow “Is that why you followed me up this building?”

“Yeah, you made me walk up 24 flights of stairs, you bastard.” Jack laughed distantly.

“I can’t believe it. It’s been half a year without it…” Jack turned his head back to the sky and held a faint smile. “What if I’ve forgotten how to use it?” he joked.

“You idiot.” Gideon laughed and slapped him lightly on the back. “So now that you’ve heard the good news, maybe you should go to bed instead of staring at the sky.”

“Right…” He trailed off. “When am I going to be able to trial the arm?”

“We’ve scheduled tomorrow morning since there’s no training.”

Tomorrow. Jack looked down at his left shoulder. No more would he have to look at a stump. He was going to be whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I made a couple of guesses about Mitchell's backstory, like that he was from Texas. I just chose it because the actor who played him is from there.  
> Hope you enjoyed!


	2. Feeling Broken: Artwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some artwork accompanying the fic. This drawing takes place when Mitchell is in his bedroom.


	3. Feeling off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack recieves his new arm, but something isn't right.

Attaching the prototype arm definitely brought back memories for Jack. The countless prodding and pricking that the engineers did to him definitely wasn’t pleasant, and the Sentinal engineers weren’t better either. But Jack could handle the slight discomfort if it meant he could use his left arm again.

Jack exited the building not looking up from his new arm. It was… clunky. But it worked. His old prosthetic was smooth and pristine, while this one had plenty of protruding chunks of metal. There were large gaps between metal plates, and a multitude of visible screws. The engineers had told him many times that it was just a prototype and that it would go through many changes and improvements. Jack hoped so.

He flexed his fingers and stretched out his arm. It felt strange to finally have control over a limb that hadn’t been there for months, but it was invigorating. He could finally reload his own weapon; he could be a real soldier. He could go back out into the field and do what he was made to do.

As he walked by a building, he outstretched his left hand, hearing, but not minding, the sound of clanging metal against the wall. He could ignore what felt off, he didn’t care.

As he reached the door to the residence building, he reached for the doorknob with his right hand, before retracting it and replacing it with his other. The feeling of cold metal was absent, but the feeling of moving, of lifting, of control; it was something he had missed. Jack laughed to himself; all he was doing was opening a door.

He could hear voices inside his room. Clearly some of his roommates were hanging out. He entered, to see them turn their heads. He stood in the doorway before a one of them named Ruben yelled “Mitchell’s got an arm!”

The two others in the room joined in with the excited shouting, and Jack couldn’t help but smile. He wasn’t super close with his roommates, but he appreciated their excitement.

“can I see?” another person named Jacobs asked. Jack offered it to them. “It’s pretty cool!”

Ruben nodded in agreement and asked. “Does it feel normal?” Jack paused.

“Well… normal enough. It does the job.” Ruben nodded. “I have to go. I have to retrain myself to shoot again.” Jack said, with a hint of laughter in his voice. The others exclaimed their words of good luck before he headed towards the gun range. He couldn’t wait to use a weapon that required two hands again.

As he walked out into the air, he took a deep breath. He felt… peaceful. But something was nagging him. He turned his head towards his new arm. It didn’t really look right to him, almost like it didn’t fit. He supposed it was just jarring to suddenly have a left arm again and he would get used it. Or maybe the new version of the arm would be dramatically better, and he wouldn’t have any of these doubts.

It also felt off. But he didn’t want to believe that. He didn’t want to believe that finally after receiving a new prosthetic he didn’t like it.

As fate had it, Ilona was at the range. As he entered, she turned and looked at him with total disbelief which turned into pure excitement.

“Jack… you have two arms again!” she laughed emotionally. “Let me see it!” She ran up to him as he outstretched his arm and grinned at her. She examined it and ran her fingers over the metal. “Do you like it?” she asked.

“I guess! I’m just happy to have it. I would take anything at this point. I would have settled for a hook!” he joked and Ilona giggled.

“So I assume you’re going to test it out?”

“Yep!” Jack made his selection of a firearm. Feeling the weight of it, he was brought back to old times. The feel of the weapon in his hands, the power of knowing he was capable. he carried it over to the booth and raised it up to his eyeline preparing to aim for a target. He was back in soldier mode, his whole body ready to fight. His finger on the trigger…

…and it felt wrong. It felt totally wrong. Ilona must have seen it in his face because she reached out and touched his shoulder.

“Jack?”

Jack slumped down, the firearm dropping to the floor. “It… it doesn’t feel right.” He said quietly.

“There must have been a mistake, Jack. I’m sure they can fix it.”

“I’m sure they can too… but what if they can’t?”

“Whatever it is that feels wrong to you, I know they can find what it is and fix it.”

Jack look up at her face “What If I never feel normal again?” he spoke softly. Ilona looked sadly at him and placed her hand back on his shoulder.

“Maybe you should go talk to Gideon about scheduling another appointment tomorrow. He’ll understand.” Jack closed his eyes and turned his head away in silent contemplation. “I can come talk to him with you.” Jack looked back at her, waited a moment, before nodding.

“Okay.”

So Ilona led Jack through the base to an office area where Gideon was in a casual conversation with another soldier. Gideon noticed the two of them and nodded. “Once second you two.”

Ilona tapped her foot impatiently against the hardwood floor, while Jack nervously looked back at his arm, surprising himself with a rush of anger that suddenly arrived at the sight of it.

“So what’s the matter?” Gideon inquired, finally finishing his conversation. Jack hesitated. He wasn’t sure if Ilona was going to speak for him.

“I-“

“Jack’s been having issues with his new arm.”

“Uh, yeah.”

Gideon turned to look at Jack.  
“Well of course there are going to be issues. That’s why it’s called a prototype.” Gideon said. “So, what’s the problem?”

“I- uh- it’s hard to describe. It just doesn’t feel right.”

“You’ll get used to it, Jack. You’ve only had it for a day. Now-“

“It’s not that! It’s like its… it’s like it not really me. It’s like it’s something is attached to me. It feels like a piece a metal is attached to where my arm used to be. It’s so heavy. It just so… wrong.”

Gideon furrowed his brow. Ilona jumped in. “I think- we think you should schedule another appointment as soon as possible for Jack.”

Gideon looked at Ilona then back at Jack and sighed. “I guess there’s no harm in that.” Ilona nodded in contempt.

“Thanks for your time, Gideon” Ilona said, turning to Jack. “C’mon, Jack. We can get lunch.” Jack nodded to Gideon who held a very concerned expression.

“Yeah. No problem.” Gideon turned back to his previous conversation partner who seemed to be even more impatient than Ilona.

Ilona gave Jack a reassuring smile as she began walking out the door. Jack followed along.

“We can take a train into the city and get some food. How does burgers sound?” Ilona offered.

Jack grinned. “You’ll tolerate burgers for me? How generous” he teased.

“You wouldn’t do that for my food!“ Ilona retorted back.

“I would!”

********

The next morning came quickly and Jack quickly got ready and mentally prepared himself for another round of pure white-walls and scary, poke-y technology. To his surprise, Gideon apparently did not have any additional duties and decided to attend the appointment. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Gideon seeing what they did to him.

It wasn’t anything that revealing, it was just Gideon never actually saw the process of removing and attaching the prosthetic. He didn’t want Gideon to see him seem handled like some sort of robot, some sort of less-than-human.

He was greeted by two engineers. One, a short woman with black hair tied in a pony-tail. Another, a man holding a blue clipboard. They were the same people as last time, minus a couple others. They asked him to come in and sit on the chair while Gideon watched from a distance.

“Private Mitchell, can you tell me what the problem with the prosthetic is exactly?”

“Well… It’s hard to say what it is exactly. It’s a bit heavy.” The one with the clip-board began writing.

“Ok. That’s something that’s going to be fixed in the future, we can’t take any components off the current model. Is that it?” the women replied.

“That’s not it. There’s something wrong with the way it feels. Like… I can’t really describe it. It feels like it doesn’t belong. Does that make any sense?” The person with the clip-board faltered slightly, before continuing with a confused expression.

“…Interesting. Can you elaborate?”  
“I can try,” Jack placed his right hand on the left and ran it over the metal and around the screws. “It’s not my arm. It’s a… a replacement. A decoy. It’s a piece of metal. It’s not an arm. I don’t know how you’d fix it. It’s not really a normal issue…” he trailed off.

“Maybe we should scan for some errors.” she stated and turned to a monitor. “You’re right. It’s not an issue we would expect.” Jack placed his hand in the equipment as he was used to by now. The engineer injected a needle-like piece of metal into a port in the side of the prosthetic. He noticed Gideon visibly grimaced as if he imagined it hurt. It certainly looked like it was painful, but Jack knew otherwise.

“One moment please…” the engineer muttered as she looked at the screen at various lines of text. “There doesn’t seem to be any software issues. It’s possible there’s a hardware malfunction that creating some sort of strange discomfort.”

“Are you going to have to… open it up?” Jack asked, concerned.

“It’s not going to hurt, don’t worry.” Jack wasn’t worried about the pain. It was just that… it was humiliating. To open himself up. Even though it was just a prosthetic arm. And Gideon was watching too. He looked over at Gideon who looked quite worried for a reason that was beyond Jack.

“Alright. You can go ahead…” Jack muttered, noticing that his voice had an audible tremble.

“Okay. Here we go” the engineer produced an instrument that she used to open up the panels in the metal. The panels opened up to reveal wiring. Why was Jack feeling so sweaty all of a sudden? Why couldn’t he breathe?

Suddenly, Gideon stepped in. “Okay, I think you should stop.” The engineer turned to him.

“It doesn’t hurt, there are no pain recepto-“

“Look at him! He’s fucking hyper ventilating.” Gideon shouted angrily. “I’m not going to say it again. Undo whatever the fuck you did. He needs a break.” She obeyed, closing the metal panels and removing any technology from his arm. Gideon took a hold of Jack’s shoulder’s and lifted him up, leading him towards the entrance.

Jack felt sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Mitchell and Gideon will get together soon!  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Feeling okay

All Jack could feel was hands around his shoulders, his own feet against the solid ground, and a strange sensation on his left arm. He found his breathing had begun evening out as he was led outside. His vision was blurry as he looked around at the kaleidoscope of his surroundings. He turned his head to look at the blurred figure of Gideon, whose eyebrows were lowered to form an angry expression.

“I knew something was wrong…” Gideon muttered to himself. “This piece of shit metal isn’t going to cut it. Are you okay, Jack?” One of his arms had dropped while the other remained planted on Jack’s shoulder.

Jack’s vision had returned to somewhat normal and his breathing had slowed. “I’m… fine. I think. I don’t know what happened, I just… couldn’t take it. I’m sorry for fucking this up. I should be grateful for it-“

“Shut the fuck up, Mitchell,” he released his hand from his shoulder. “Those bastards don’t know what they’re doing. You were clearly uncomfortable.” Gideon took a deep breathe to steady himself and rubbed his eyes with his hands. “Something not-quite-right is going on with that arm of yours and we’re going to fix it as soon as fucking possible.” Gideon reached over to grab the prosthetic arm and lifted it up.

“This,” he said, shaking the arm for emphasis, “Is not your fault. You don’t have to like it. It better be fucking perfect if it’s going to fit a soldier like you.” He released it.

“Are you saying I’m perfect?” Jack said, smirking.

“In your dreams.” Gideon huffed, rolling his eyes. “What exactly made you freak out in there?”

“I really don’t know. I just hated how they were… _handling_ me. Like I was a fucking machine. I know I’m not. I really do! But it’s so… I don’t know. Degrading. I mean I’ve been useless since I lost the prosthetic, I’m not surprised I still -“  
“Stop talking out of your arse. You know you aren’t.” Gideon retorted.

“Fuck off! You tell me I am. You always do. It’s all you tell me. Except when you tell me I’m _not bad_ or _getting there._ ” Jack raised his voice, his hands curling up. Gideon, who had been preparing to argue back, paused. “You always go back and forth from praising me to telling me I’m hopeless. I’m either one or the other. What am I, Gideon? What am I?” Gideon looked slightly guilty.

“Jack. You aren’t useless. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry for saying that shit. But you know I do it to help you. I push you because I know you can do it. Jack, listen to me.” Jack had averted his gaze. Gideon lifted his hand, placed it on the side of Jack’s head, moving it to face back at Gideon. “I didn’t mean it. Really.”

“I know you didn’t. It’s just getting to me recently. I’ve been feeling like garbage. And I’ve been getting no sleep.” Jack turned his gaze away once again. Talking to Gideon didn’t really feel the same as talking to Ilona. He wasn’t exactly the most sympathetic person most of the time.

“Oh. Well. That sucks. Is it the… you know…” Gideon cleared his throat. “The-“

“The depression? Yeah. It’s that.” Now it was Gideon who had averted his gaze.

“Right. I know I’m not the best at… talking. I’m fucking terrible at it.” Gideon chuckled. Jack smiled weakly.

“Yeah you are. But I get it. You have no time for emotions.”

“Hey! Emotions get in the way of beating you at everything.”

“Fuck off. You haven’t beat me at a single thing. I beat you at the range back at Atlas. You never admitted to it because you hated being beat by the newbie. I would totally beat you again if I had Irons’ prosthetic.” Jack noticed Gideon stiffen at the mention of the name.

“That fucker got to die alongside that arm. Good for him.” 

“You know what he said before he fell? _I gave you that arm_.” Jack laughed humourlessly. “Did he expect me to thank him?”

“Well… you were happier with it.”

“Thanks for noticing. I guess I sacrificed my happiness for the sake of humanity.”

“Stop being dramatic.” Gideon slapped his back. “You’ll be fine. You’ll get better. And besides, you wouldn’t have been able to do it without me, so it wasn’t a true sacrif-“

“Let me have this.”

“Ok.”

* * *

Mitchell had taken the day off from training. All his motivation to begin training with the arm had disappeared and he really didn’t feel like going back inside the lab. Gideon had bid him farewell after realizing he had a meeting soon.

 _Gideon is such an idiot._ Jack couldn’t help but laugh to himself. He knew he was trying his hardest, but he was so awkward at speaking to people heart to heart. He didn’t want to avoid talking to Gideon about personal things, but with Gideon things were just _different._ Awkward. He and Gideon had gotten pretty close over the years, but it was always a strange relationship that varied from being ‘buddies’ to ‘acquaintances’ from day to day.

The guy was also incredibly hard to reach. It wasn’t very often that Jack would see Gideon open himself up and drop his guard. He and Gideon were very similar in that sense. They had both built up walls around themselves.

He remembered their first moments of knowing each other at Atlas. All he had thought of Gideon was that he was a fucking British asshole. It was back when he was getting used to his new arm, Gideon used to tell him that a good soldier wouldn’t wait for his arm to stop glitching. It was an important lesson even though at the same it had irritated him to no end. Especially since it actually became relevant after having to escape Atlas’s prison complex.

 _Speaking of Atlas, whatever_ _happened to Joker?_ Jack walked through to an open courtyard area of the base where a couple of others were enjoying the limited sun that was a miracle in the winter. A couple benches lined the perimeter. Nearby, a couple people were playing basketball on a makeshift court made of a hoop attached to the wall in an area in the corner.

Jack was surprised Joker never joined Sentinal alongside Gideon. Gideon, Joker, Ilona and him were almost inseparable at Atlas. He would have thought Joker would have followed Gideon anywhere. Joker and Gideon were extremely competitive and would argue at all times. But Jack knew that he had sincerely admired Gideon.

Which made it strange that Joker hadn’t followed him. Maybe Irons had something to do with it. Jack inwardly shivered at the thought of Irons manipulating Joker. Wrapping him around his fingers or forcing him to stay loyal to Irons’ horrible agenda.

Or Maybe he truly believed in it. _Is he even still alive?_ Jack put it out of his mind as he walked to a nearby bench and took a deep breath.

* * *

“I knew I’d find you up here.” Jack turned around. Gideon had caught him star-gazing again. Well, it wasn’t so much star-gazing since it was never possible to see stars anymore. Not anywhere in the US. It was a calm night compared to the last time he had been up here; the wind was just a gentle breeze. It was still cold though, and Jack was covered in a warm black Sentinal jacket with his hands in his pockets.

“Did you follow me again?”

“Actually no. I made a guess.”

“So you were looking for me?” Gideon didn’t respond and stood beside Jack as he had done before.

It was quiet for a couple moments.

“Is this your new routine? Not eating dinner then standing up here alone?”

Jack scoffed. “Didn’t know you were keeping an eye on me. I like the silence. Except for some reason it’s being broken. Not looking at anyone.” There was more silence. Gideon pulled his beanie off his head and ran his hand through his spiky hair and dropped the hand to his side.

“It’s cold, mate. Come inside. Eat something. You’re losing all that muscle mass of yours.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” Jack took a step closer to the railing, took his hands out of his pockets, and placed his hands on the cold metal which made a clanging sound from his left hand. He took a deep breath, inhaling the cool air.

“I don’t like you getting close to the edge.” Gideon said quietly.

“I’m an adult, I can handle myself. I’m not going to do anything dumb.” Gideon stepped forward, placing a hand on Jack’s shoulder, and gently pulling him back.

“Come on. I’m taking you to eat.” Jack resisted, yanking his arm away.

“No! I’m not hungry, I swear.”

“Mate, I don’t give a shit. You have to eat.” He tried again, reaching for Jack’s arm. Jack resigned and let himself be led to the staircase, down to the mess hall.

The dining area was fairly empty as it was quite late, with 5 or so other people eating their meals. Compared to the outside, it was incredibly warm as the heaters were on full blast. Jack felt a sweat creep under his jacket.

Gideon walked in front of Jack toward where the food was being served. The food at Sentinel wasn’t awful. At Atlas, the food was almost restaurant quality because Atlas’s food budget was much more extensive. Sentinal was not as wealthy as Atlas was but the food was reasonable.

The staff behind the counter were busy cleaning up the machinery and cooking implements but one of them smiled at Gideon and Jack as they arrived. Jack took a tray and plate and began walking down the line as Gideon stood back, tapping his foot against the ground.

Jack served himself some salad, potatoes, and rice. He knew he wasn’t going to finish it, but Gideon would nag him to take more if he didn’t take a decent amount. Gideon took a look at his plate and hummed in approval. 

“Fine. It’s enough.”

The two of them sat themselves down in a secluded corner. Jack placed his tray on the table and awkwardly nudged a potato with his fork. Gideon sat opposite him.

“So… are you just going to watch me the whole time?”

“Just fucking eat.” Jack lifted a fork of rice to his mouth and grimaced.

“Dude. It’s cold.”  
“Serves you right. You could have come earlier.” Jack continued to eat in cold silence for a few moments, stifling his disgust. Gideon fiddled with his hands, eyes darting around the room. He rested his head of his hands for a moment before reaching up to adjust his beanie. Jack stopped eating for a second and glanced up at Gideon.

“Something wrong?” Jack asked.

“No.”

“You fiddle with your hat when you’re thinking.”

“Well of course I’m fucking thinking. Why would I not be th-“

“Shut up. I know you’re nervous or something.”

“Why would I be nervous?” Gideon scoffed. Jack put his fork down on the plate which contained two thirds of his food left.

“I don’t know. Because you’re awkward as hell.”

“You’re not any better. You don’t speak to anyone.”

“At least I don’t get all flustered.” Gideon face flushed red slightly. Jack resumed eating. Gideon look frustrated but didn’t say anything. Jack shoved a piece of lettuce into his mouth, chewing slowly before dropping the fork once again. “Okay. I’m done.”

“You ate almost nothing.”

“What do you mean nothing? I ate half!” Gideon shook his head slightly and sighed but stood up. Jack emptied his leftovers in the garbage and took his tray over to the front placing it on the counter. By now, the cleaning staff had begun to clean the room. There were only two other people eating and they seemed to be finishing up. Jack yawned. Gideon had already left the building and was standing outside. Jack followed him.

As he opened the door, he was met with a strong blast of wind. He shivered as the warmth from inside dissipated and the cold overtook him. Gideon, however, seemed unaffected.

“You don’t care about the cold?” Jack asked, folding his arms around himself.

“Not really. I don’t get cold that often.”

“Fair enough.” Gideon turned to Jack.

“Obviously its not the same with you.” Jack nodded. “So, you’re going to bed now?”

“You’re not going to let me do anything else.” Gideon adjusted his beanie.

“You know, Jack. Why don’t you eat dinner at a normal time tomorrow? We can go together.” He pulled his beanie off entirely, the wind tousling against his hair. Mitchell felt the air move against his cheeks and lift his hair up. He brushed it out of his face. His nose felt frozen even thought they had been outside for only a few minutes.

“I…sure. Why not.” Jack shrugged. “But you have to promise not to get all embarrassed.”

“I wasn’t embarrass-“

“Ok, ok. It’s a yes.” Gideon huffed.

“I can’t stand you sometimes” he grumbled, but a small smile had appeared on his face. “6:30 pm? I’ll meet you here.” Jack smiled back.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”  
“See you around.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	5. Feeling Okay: Artwork




	6. Feeling Awake

Jack placed his hands on the handrail on the edge of the roof. He felt metal on the flesh of both of his hands. The skin on his left arm was smooth and unruptured which looked strange to him for some reason. The moon was bright as usual. In fact, it was unbelievably bright. Blindingly bright. Why was it so bright? Jack covered his eyes with his left arm until he realized that his hand wasn’t stopping the light at all. His eyes hurt. Why wasn’t it working? The wind suddenly slammed a gust of air right into his back, knocking him forward over the railing and over the edge. He desperately tried to grab on to the rail with his left hand but as he reached out, he realized that his left arm was no longer there and his body began falling to the ground.

Then he woke up.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes with his right hand. He could almost still see the bright light and feel the wind. He looked down at his left arm to check. Of course. It was still the fake arm. He checked his watch, reading that it was 3:16 am, realizing in amazement that he had actually gotten a good 6 hours of sleep. It was almost pitch black in the room except from the slight glow from the window that emitted from the safety LED’s around the base. The only noise that could be heard was from the quiet snoring and breathing of his room-mates. It was incredibly stuffy in the room as the temperature regulator combatted the cold outside. Jack needed fresh air.

As quietly as he could, Jack peeled off his rumpled sheets and lightly placed his feet on the ground trying not to wake anyone. He sneaked over to the door, sliding his socked feet into a pair of sneakers, and slipping out into the hallway.

The hallway was also dark except for more dim lights on the ceiling which were set to their lowest setting. The floor was carpeted and muffled any of Jack’s footsteps as he walked over to the elevator, pressing the down button. It took almost no time as no one else was using the elevator at this time.

Jack reached the ground floor, walked through the lobby, and looked through the transparent glass door, noticing the stillness of the empty base. As he opened the door, he was met with biting cold that his sweatpants and hoodie weren’t equipped to handle. Nevertheless, he walked outside and breathed in deeply, the cold air filling his lungs.

The two male accommodation building were located in the north east section of the base which also contained additional toilets and change rooms. The female accommodation was located on the north east. Jack had been there before when he hung out with Ilona in her room. Ilona slept in a room on her own. There weren’t as many women as men who were part of Sentinal, so the women had the choice of sleeping in a room by themselves. Sentinal had built the women’s sleeping areas with as much rooms as the men hoping that soon enough, they would be filled with women soldiers. Some people in the men’s area had their own rooms depending on their position. This included Gideon. Gideon lived in the other building to him. He hardly saw him because their schedules were so different.

There wasn’t any issue with visiting the other resident area as they were closer to apartment buildings than dormitories. Besides, they didn’t really spend that much time in their rooms, only for sleeping, showering, and changing.

Jack’s sneakers met the concrete floor as he walked towards the south of the base where the recreation area was. It was made up of a small grass field, some trees and plants, and a couple benches. Concrete footpaths weaved through the plants and grass.

Jack walked along the footpath and admired how the lights created a warm glow and a beautiful atmosphere. He wasn’t usually one for this sort of thing; night walks, admiring the atmosphere. He would have considered it sappy. But he had been through enough to know that life went by too fast to not slow down from time to time. Sometimes all Jack wanted was more time. To not feeling like he was wasting away.

He sat down on a bench, his mind wandering back to his dream. He hadn’t dreamt in while, and he never had nightmares. He never considered himself afraid of anything in particular so there wasn’t much to have a nightmare about. It was definitely apropos that he was having dreams about his arm.

Jack looked around at the emptiness of the recreation area. It was strange yet comforting to sit in a place absent of people that usually was filled with them. He had heard that particular feeling being called _kenopsia_. It was meant to be an eerie feeling, but Jack took some comfort in it. He could admire the parts of the world in his own time without worrying about others being there, rushing him. And it was silent. Dead silent. It was like being in a world where no other person existed except himself. It was calming.

Jack stood up and stretched out his shoulders. He decided to head back to bed. He felt considerably better since he’d woken up. He had needed that walk.

* * *

Jack was awoken by the sound of his roommates who were not very good at being quiet. They tended to whisper to each other in the morning. He never really minded since he usually was either already awake or way too tired to even stir at any sound. It was only twenty minutes before they were officially meant to wake up anyway. Breakfast was between 7 am and 8:00, so the soldiers were supposed to get up around forty minutes prior to get ready. Mitchell usually came at 7 on the dot and ate as quickly as possible to avoid the time when most people came to eat and created a large noise that Mitchell could not deal with in the morning.

“Shit, Mitchell. Didn’t mean to wake you up” Ruben murmured sleepily who was on the bottom of the opposite bunk. Mitchell waved him off.

“It’s fine. I don’t care.” He sat up and placed himself of the edge of his bed, collecting his thoughts. Today he had regular training until 5… and eating dinner with Gideon. A slight tremor of nervousness fluttered through Jack’s stomach for a second. _Why was he nervous?_ Jack mulled over it in his. Maybe it was because Gideon’s socially awkwardness was rubbing off on him. Jack inwardly snickered and brushed off any strange feelings.

What _was_ it with him and Gideon recently? Gideon seemed to be acting weird and they had been having an unusual amount of heart to heart conversation. Well, by heart to heart it was really Jack revealing his own heart while Gideon struggled to reply without clearing his throat or turning red. Gideon was fucking weird.

After getting ready, Mitchell headed to the food hall. When he arrived, he noticed Ilona standing outside the door. He never caught Ilona in the morning because he always came and left before her. She appeared to be early this time. Ilona took notice of him and smiled and waved. Jack returned the smile and approached her.

“Good Morning!” Ilona greeted him, tiredness very clearly in her voice. She still, however, managed to keep her aura of brightness around her.

“Morning. Why are you here early?” he asked.

“I wanted to join you for breakfast. I hardly get to see you so I thought I’d get up a little early.”

“Smart.” They walked in together. After selecting their food, they sat opposite each other. Ilona yawned.

“I’m so tired.” She mumbled. “I don’t know why.” Jack nodded.

“Me too. Well, actually, not as bad as usual. I got quite a lot of sleep.” Ilona beamed.

“That’s great to hear! You definitely don’t look at worn down.”

“That’s because you always see me right after I’ve run like a hundred miles.”

“Hmm… you don’t look _that_ bad after 100 miles.”

“I appreciate your kindness but I’m telling you that’s a lie.” Jack grinned. “I had a fucking weird dream. I don’t really remember much of it. I was on rooftop and wind pushed me off the edge. Something like that. Oh, and my left arm was back.” Jack shook his head slightly. “Bizarre.”

Ilona looked thoughtful. “Sounds like your brain is trying to tell you something” she prompted. Jack snickered. 

  
“Yeah… I don’t really believe in all that. But maybe.”

“I get dreams all the time. They’re pretty ordinary. But sometimes I see my family. I’m a kid again back in my home in Petropavlovsk. I remember once I dreamt it was New Year’s and we had a tree up in our home.” Ilona laughed wistfully.

“Sounds nice” Jack remarked. Ilona hummed in agreement.

* * *

It was evening and Jack had finished training, showered, and put on some casual clothes. Gideon had said 6:30, so he had 20 minutes. The eating area was a two minute walk away. Jack looked at himself in the mirror in the bathroom. His hair was a slight mess so he combed it into a reasonable condition. He wouldn’t usually comb his hair, but for some reason he felt like it was necessary. _Was he thinking too hard?_ It wasn’t like a special occasion or anything. He sighed in frustration left the room.

It was surprisingly warm that evening. It was comfortable enough for Jack to unzip his jacket to reveal his T-shirt underneath. When he reached the building, he checked inside to make sure Gideon wasn’t there yet. After affirming that he wasn’t, he positioned where Ilona had in the morning and waited.

At 6:32, Jack saw Gideon approaching, wearing his usual beanie. Jack towards him, waved and gave a small smile. Gideon nodded in greeting, “Jack, hello.”

“Hello. What’s with the formality? You aren’t excited to see me?” Jack teased.

  
“Of course I am. I was just admiring the fact that you don’t look like a zombie as usual.”

“Would you believe I slept for once?”

“Proud of you.” Gideon said with a hint of sarcasm. “Must have been the food. You weren’t starving for once.”  
“Okay that food was not pleasant. It definitely wasn’t that. Maybe I was just exhausted from talking to you. You’re notoriously hard to hold a conversation with.”

“Mate. I slept like a baby last night. You sure it’s not the other way around?” Gideon smirked. “Anyways, you’re going to have to eat tonight. It’s not that bad when it’s not cold.”

“Right.” The two walked in, selected their food and sat down. Jack wasn’t used to eating in there with so many people around. There were people sitting right beside them. He knew that they had no interest in listening to their conversation but he couldn’t help but feel a little paranoid. He tried to push it aside. Jack took a bite of some chicken. “Yeah, you’re right. I can get behind this.”

“See I told you.” Gideon took a bite of his own food. “You were just being a baby.”

“Was not!”

“You’re acting like one now.”

“I would throw food at you if that didn’t prove your point.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t need any more evidence. It’s already been proven true.”

“ _Ha ha”_ Jack laughed drily in mock offence, before breaking out into a genuine smile. Gideon smiled back and both ate in comfortable silence for a few moments. “Hey. Kinda weird question. I was wondering if you knew about what happened to Joker. After you left Atlas.” Gideon’s head popped up. “I mean, I was thinking about it a lot. I guess I was caught up in it all I never thought to ask.” Gideon leant back in contemplation.

“Joker, huh?” Gideon cracked a smirk. “That bastard was really something.” Jack mirrored his expression.

“You got that right. He was a fucker but we all knew that he was good at heart.”

“Good at heart, but a dumbass.” They both laughed. “Joker was a good lad. He had his wife and kid at home and was relying on Atlas’s pay to provide for them. That was why he joined in the first place. For them. I respected him for that.” Gideon’s face turned solemn. “It made sense why he was hesitant to abandon Atlas on some whimsical story about Irons knowing about the attacks and choosing to ignore it. I mean, what if we were wrong? He would have lost an amazing job and also put himself in danger. He was going to return to his family in year.”

“So where’s he now?”

“Fuck knows.”

“Maybe he’s out there kicking ass.”

“Yeah right. The guy was as cool as a fucking microwave.”

“A microwave actually isn’t warm, dude. It uses electromagnetic radiation. And besides, he _was_ cool. Cooler than you.”

“Who are you to make that judgement. You are probably the least impressive person out of all of us.”

“Can we just agree that Ilona beats us all in that competition.” Gideon paused.

“Okay, fine. But just barely.” Gideon’s eyes trailed down to Jack’s left arm. Jack followed his gaze looking at his arm too.

“How’s the arm treating you?” Gideon asked.

“Same as usual. Its fucking weird. But I guess I’ve gotten used to it a bit. I just need to work with it. Like the old one.” Gideon nodded in understanding. 

“But if you have any more trouble, let me know” he offered.

“Thanks. Maybe you were right about me getting used to it.” Jack flexed his left hand’s fingers and rotated his arm. “I’m starting to feel like a cyborg.” Gideon snorted.

“You were already a cyborg.”

“Yeah but a cool one.”

“You’re not cool.”

“You just won’t admit that you think I’m cool.”

“Stop.”

“Tell me I’m cool, Gideon. Tell me the truth.”

“Okay, fucking fine. I think you’re cool. You’re more than cool. You’re fucking... I don't know-amazing.” Gideon suddenly looked a little sheepish. Jack looked a little shocked.

“Wait. do you mean that?” Gideon lifted his hand to his hat before quickly stopping himself.

“I guess you’ll never know. You bastard.”

“In case you did mean it,” Jack averted his gaze “then thanks.” Gideon stayed silent and looked away.

“…you’re welcome.”


	7. Feeling Alive

**Chapter 5: Feeling Alive**

Jack was back in action again. Sentinal had finished its dormant period and begun assembling squads and sending them across the world to sweep up the rest of Atlas and rehabilitate the places which had fallen victim to their destruction.

It had been 2 months since Jack had gotten his new arm and had been assessed as fit for action. Most soldiers on base were divvied up, including him. To his surprise and somewhat relief, he had been put under the command of Gideon just like the old days. Ilona had also been put in his squad along with 6 other people. He was glad that things were returning to somewhat normalcy.

Several different operations had to be carried out by different squads. Some of them included occupying cities to assist in rebuilding and rehabilitating. Some specialized in collecting and analysing intel. Others were tasked to clean up the remnants of Manticore and hunt down the Atlas operations still in existence.

Mitchell’s particular squad had an upcoming operation which required them to infiltrate a stash of Manticore protected by a Romanian military group. Jack was unsure on the details; he had an upcoming briefing with his squad.

He was ready to get back into the action. It had been more than a year since he’d actually been out on the field. It would be so strange to be back under the command of Gideon and to fight alongside Ilona but he had missed it so intensely.

Jack scratched the back of his head as he waited patiently beside Ilona and his squad mates in the briefing room. Gideon stood near the front, leaning against the wall, watching silently as the rest of the squad chatted quietly. They were all waiting to be briefed by a very unpunctual general.

It was a dimly lit room, only illuminated by the monitors. The multitude of screens displayed the sentinel logo screensaver, casting the room is a golden glow. In the middle sat a large, holographic world map.

Jack’s head swivelled around the room and looked around. When his gaze fell to the front of the room, his eyes caught Gideon’s. They looked at each other for a long, awkward couple seconds before Jack snorted and Gideon raised an eyebrow in amusement and looked away. General Seamus-Deane then walked in and greeted the squad hastily as the chatting in the room died down. He carried a small data drive which he plugged into a terminal. As he did, the various monitors changed to different screens filled with important information and data. The map in the middle zoomed in on Bucharest, Romania.

“Soldiers, you are tasked with an important mission” he spoke with a smooth, British accent. He had grey hair and a stern, solemn face. He had clearly been through a lot and had a lot of experience. “Atlas has outsourced private military groups to keep what’s left of Manticore safe in several different locations across Europe, the Middle East and north Africa. As you know, this squad in particular is taking on a facility in Bucharest. You are working in cooperation with the Romanian government in completing this mission.” He used a controller on the side of the map to zoom in closer to the city, displaying a large building in a desolate area. “Let’s begin with the simple overview. This is the site. You will be flying on helicopter to the landing site about 600 metres away and approaching the facility on foot.” A holographic helicopter appeared flying over the map. It landed and 9 soldiers exited and began making their way towards the building.

“When you are around 200 metres away from the site, you will split into two groups. It will be dark enough so you are concealed, however they have heavy security so it is important that you are aware of your surroundings.

One group will consist of Mitchell, Jacobs, and Styles, led by Emery. You will take out the guards out the front with snipers and enter through a front entrance. At this point you are operating under stealth. This is when the second group comes in. The second group will be made up of the rest of the squad and will enters from a side entrance, make their way through a side corridor, and enter the security control and eliminate their security measures. Group 1 will proceed through the facility using night vision and meet up with group two where you will break stealth and secure the Manticore. Let’s go through the details…”

* * *

Jack took a deep breathe and closed his eyes in a final meditation as the sound of the helicopter readying to take off filled his ears. The helicopter was filled by his squad who were either sitting quietly or laughing and joking with their squad mates. When he opened his eyes, he noticed Gideon giving him a serious look.

“I’m fine. Just preparing myself.”

“Oh good. Thought you were falling asleep.” Jack rolled his eyes good naturedly and adjusted his sitting positioning, his exo rattling. His eyes fell shut again.

The journey was excruciatingly long and boring and was accompanied by mindless chatter and pep talks. As they approached the landing site, the squad sat in silence as they prepared to exit and begin their silent journey. The building was in an isolated location surrounded by a pine forest. Jack hurried through the trees in the pitch blackness, hearing commands through the comms. He hadn’t felt a pressure like this in a while. It had always been training, it didn’t have any consequences. Now this was the real deal.

Other than the radio, the only other sound he could hear was the familiar sound of exos jostling and boots hitting against the dirt ground. It was almost comforting to be back out in the field, as if things were back to normal again.

It was freezing cold, but he didn’t feel the chill. It was partly because of the exo’s temperature regulator and partly because of his adrenaline.

When the building was in site, the two groups separated. Ilona and her team headed towards the side entrance and Gideon lead the rest to spot where they could see the guards out front. They used the trees as cover. Jack glanced at the people in his team. There was Jacobs, who went by the alias Fox, and Styles who went by the alias Winter, and of course, Gideon.

“Mitchell, take the one on the roof. Winter, the two on the tower. Fox, you take the two on the ground,” Gideon commanded “On my go.” Jack lifted his sniper to his eyes and watched through the scope as an armed soldier stood guard, watching the forest in concentration.

“Go.”

In less than a second, five guards dropped to the floor.

“Let’s go.” The team approached the building. “Drag those two bodies out of sight.” Jacobs and styles did as instructed, hiding the bodies behind some barriers.

“Go, Mitchell” Gideon instructed.

Mitchell entered the room while the others stood on the outside, standing away from the door. The room was quite large, and it was filled with crates and boxes. He carefully looked around for anyone, finding a door slightly ajar. Coming closer, he could hear voices inside. He counted two. Throwing a threat grenade, he shot the two figures through the door.

“Clear.” He gestured to the group. They followed after him.

Suddenly, Mitchell could hear shouting and gunshots coming from the other side of the large room. He quickly ran into the door he had just shot through for cover. An alarm began blaring.

“We’re compromised! Go loud!” he heard Gideon shout over the noise. Well shit. They had fucked up already somehow. He peeked out through the door to see enemy soldiers shooting from the opposite side. Some used crates for cover. His squad had taken cover too and were furiously retaliating with their own weapons. He joined them, also keeping notice of the sudden activity of the radio.

“This is Delta 2-1. We are compromised and are proceeding with the mission.” Gideon spoke over the radio.

“I hear you Lima Charlie.” another voice responded.

Jack took a second to quiet his mind and concentrate; get into the zone. He continued to shoot at the aggressive forces until things had quietened down.

“Move up” Gideon directed. He followed. They entered through a hallway to a platform which overhung a basement floor and surrounded the outside of the room and led to a staircase down to the lower level. They were immediately greeted with more resistance.

“Tangos below us!” Jack heard, looking down at the lower level. There were more soldiers below, shooting up at them. The squad positioned themselves on the railing and began shooting down. Bullets flew past his head and hit the metal wall behind him. He ducked behind the wall and reloaded, when a grenade landed beside him.

“Mitchell, look out!”

He quickly picked it up and tossed it over his shoulders, hearing it explode back down at the bottom. He broke cover and searched the room for visible targets. He saw someone quickly disappearing behind a wall in the back corner. He trained his gun on the place, before seeing him suddenly appearing behind the wall. Jack’s reflexes took over as he shot the target instantly, downing them.

Soon enough, they had cleared out the room and descended down the staircase to the basement. They hurried down a long hallway to where there a multitude of offices with glass walls. It was relatively quiet, with the exception of whirring machinery from the offices and the alarm. The group carefully ran down the hallway and stopped at the end of it, checking their corners. Abruptly, Jack heard glass shattering and a cry of pain. He turned his head to his right and was greeted by Jacobs with a bullet wound in his upper arm. His hand had instinctively reached for his arm and his weapon dropped to floor, blood covering his hand.

“Fuck.” Jack immediately pulled Jacobs by his arm into some cover behind a corner “Fox’s hit!” he yelled, seeing Gideon and Styles heads snap as they ran for cover too.

“No-fuck, I’m fine. I can handle it” Jacobs hissed.

“Let me get a bandage on it.” He helped him lower to the ground and kneeled next to him. He opened his medical supply kit and rummaged for a bandage. Tearing opened the package, he applied it tightly around Jacobs’ arm, blood covering his own fingers. Jacobs grimaced in pain, but stifled his grunts.

“I can continue! It’s not that bad.”

Jack sighed. It wasn’t like he had a lot of choices. He said he was fine and was obviously lying, but they didn’t have time to linger on it. He picked up his gun again and began shooting at the tangos in the rooms that had glass walls prior to the sudden attack. Jacobs did the same, albeit with a shakiness that Jack forced himself to put out of mind in the current moment.

Then, the lights shut off, covering the hallway in pitch black. The gunshots faltered for a moment, but continued. Jack panicked and hid back behind the wall. He squinted as hard as he could and saw the figures of Jacobs, Styles and Gideon.

“The fuck?” Gideon shouted incredulously and prepared to speak into the radio before he was interrupted.

“This is Bravo 1-2. We have eliminated the lights and security” a distinct female voice spoke over the radio. So it was the other team that had shut off the lights.

“Copy.” Gideon responded and picked himself up from his crouched position. “About time. Fucking Ilona” he muttered under his breath after he had cut off his radio. “Everyone. Night vision on.”

Jack enabled his night vision, the shapes of his surroundings coming into view. He could see the enemies’ shapes in red and his squad in green. He shot down as many enemies as he could until he could no longer see anyone remaining.

“Clear” announced Gideon. “Stay focused.” They proceeded down the hall and took a left at a reinforced door.

For a second the ground shook, rattling the broken glass on the floor. Dust fell from the ceiling. It felt like an explosion had happened on the other side of the building.

“The fuck was that?” Gideon shouted. “Delta 2-1, what the hell was the explosion?”

“This is Overlord. We are unsure of what you are talking about. Can we have radio check for Bravo team?”

There was silence. 

“Bravo team, radio check.”

Gideon clenched his fists. “Fuck! Winter, plant the breaches.” They stepped back as Styles approached the door and planted the explosive. He then stepped away from the door and detonated it. The explosion was loud and sent millions of dust particles into their faces. Jack coughed a couple times and waited for Gideon to lead them through.

“This is Bravo 1-2. we are on approach” the radio suddenly crackled. Figures appeared from the darkness in front of them.

“Don’t shoot!” a voice called.

“Ilona?” Gideon yelled into the hallway.

“Yes. it’s us.”

“What fucking happened?!” 

Ilona’s group were in sight now, and Jack could see that they had clearly been through an explosion of some kind. They were covered in black soot and some were nursing minor wounds.

“Bravo team, sitrep” the radio buzzed.

“Bravo 1-2. The security room was rigged with explosions. We escaped relatively unharmed” Ilona reported.

“Copy Bravo 1-2.”

Ilona’s eyes swept over their team and fell on Jacobs. “what happened to you?”

“Got hit. I’m okay.”

Gideon cleared his throat. “Okay everyone, let’s carry on.”

* * *

The mission was successful, with only minor injuries. They had secured the manticore and were now on the evac helicopter. Jacobs had his wound tended to and was relatively fine, as well as the rest of the Bravo team.

The squad laughed and spoke about their badass moments, and teased each other. 

“You should have seen Mike’s face when the bomb went off! Fucking terrified!”

“Fuck you, man. I could have died!”

Mitchell laughed along with the rest of them, and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. His fingers were coated with dirt and Jacobs’ dried blood that he tried to rub off on his clothes. Gideon was sitting next to him, listening along to the conversation, and making small quips now and then.

After a couple hours, the conversation had died down. Many of them were asleep, resting or in a quiet chat with someone next to them. Jack looked at Gideon’s who was looking out at the landscape below. He may have looked for too long because he turned around and looked back at Jack. Realizing he had been caught, he decided to own it and held his gaze.

“Good job, Mitchell. You didn’t die” Gideon said in a semi-joking manner. Jack snorted.

“Thanks” he replied and leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Suddenly he felt a tugging on his left shoulder. He opened his eyes again to see that Gideon had taken his prosthetic arm and was holding it way too gently for Gideon’s standard. He trailed his fingers softly up his wrist until he reached the middle of his inner arm.

“I- what are you doing?”

“Are you getting flustered?” Gideon teased, his fingers still on his arm.

He could almost swear he felt it.

Gideon lifted his hand and placed it on Jack’s. Jack accepted Gideon silent request, intertwining their fingers together. His face had turned a slight pink, and he hoped the darkness concealed it. He glanced at Gideon’s face who had an unreadable expression, and awkwardly looked away. He wished he could actually feel Gideon’s warmth against his hand.

“Gideon. Just- why?”

“Your hand looked cold.” Gideon responded sarcastically.

“You’re getting blood on yourself.”

“Shut up, you’re waking people up.” Clearly no one was actually waking up, but Ilona was watching them with a smirk on her face. When Jack’s eyes met hers, she looked away, trying and failing to hide her smile.

Jack was exhausted. For the hundredth time, he closed his eyes and let sleep overcome him.

* * *

  
“Wake up lovebirds.”

Jack felt hands shaking him. Ilona was above him, trying her hardest to wake him.

“I’m up. I’m up” he groaned. He looked at his hand. Him and Gideon had separated at some point during the journey. He felt a small ping of disappointment. Gideon eyes fluttered open, and he immediately stood up and exited the helicopter. Jack followed along.

“Fuck I’m tired.” Jack yawned.

“You always are.” Gideon responded. “But you can actually sleep now.”

“Well… I hope.”

They headed towards the male area.

When they reached the midpoint between their two buildings, they stopped abruptly.

“I-“

“uh-“

They began speaking at the same time before stopping. Jack fiddled with his hands awkwardly. Gideon cleared his throat.

“Jack… you should come sleep in my room. There’s a spare bed.”

“I’m sorry. What?”

Gideon shuffled his feet. “You might sleep better when there’s less people.” Mitchell stood there in shocked silence.

“…You know what? Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Why not.”


	8. Chapter 6: Feeling Known

**Chapter 6: Feeling known**

Jack went to retrieve his pyjamas, spare-clothes and some personal items from his own room. Luckily, the roommates still positioned on base seemed to be asleep, meaning he could avoid coming up with an excuse on why he hadn’t slept in their room until morning. As he closed the door behind him, he paused. What was he doing? Why had Gideon even made that suggestion in the first place? He had accepted his offer immediately in his exhaustion shrouded state but hadn’t even stopped to consider the implications of it.

He hadn’t slept in the same room as Gideon for a while. It wasn’t a very common arrangement. Though, in those few cases, Jack remembered a visceral feeling of comfort. Those nights were often nights of rest in stark comparison to the nights of insomnia strange loneliness.

Maybe it wasn’t less people that made it easier to sleep, maybe it was the presence of Gideon?

He made the short walk across the courtyard. The interior of Gideon’s building was very similar to the Jack’s. It was smaller, but the halls were aligned with the same carpet and walls. Gideon had told him that his room was on the second floor; room 205.

Carrying a pile of clothes in his right hand, he knocked on the door softly. After a couple seconds, the door opened. Gideon had already showered, his dark brown and blond hair ruffled and damp. He was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Hey.” Jack greeted, finding the sight of him wearing more-than-casual clothes and mussed up hair unfamiliar but strangely endearing.

“Hey, Come in.” Gideon stepped aside.

Gideon’s room also had much in common with Jack’s with the exception of two single beds in place of the bunk beds. Both beds were made but one of them clearly had been slept in while the other was free of creases. It was very neat compared to his own room.

In the shower, Jack analysed his minimal injury and washed the dirt and dust off himself. Readying himself for bed, he dressed in the same outfit as Gideon - a shirt and sweat-pants - and exited the bathroom to see Gideon sitting on the edge of his bed. His face turned to look at Jack. He wore an unreadable expressions as his eyes seemed to trace his body for a moment, before snapping to his eyes. Jack raised an eyebrow but didn’t mention anything. He sat on the edge of the other bed.

Soon enough, both men were laying in their respective beds in the dark, idly chatting from across the room as they faced their backs to each other. After a moment of quiet Jack shuffled under his sheets and mumbled quietly.

“It’s _cold._ ”

“Cold? Fuck me, mate. Is your room a furnace?”

“My roommates like it on the warmer side. I’ve just gotten used to it.”

The conversation paused with Jack quietly rubbing his arms with his hands, before Gideon spoke up.

“…You can come into my bed. You’ll be warmer.”

Jack suddenly stopped moving and the room became silent. He cleared his throat.

“Or I could get the extra sheets…”

  
“Right. You can do that.”

“Wait, wait just a sec, can we roll that back? Did you just ask me to come into your bed?” Jack swung his legs over the side of the bed and looked at the almost unseeable figure of Gideon.

“You do what you fucking want.” Came the response.

Jack exasperatedly rubbed his face with his hands.

“Fuck- Can we just… I don’t- “Jack scrambled for words before taking a deep breath. Gideon sat up in his bed and faced his head towards Jack. “Fuck dude… just- are you gay?” he blurted out.

Gideon calmy took a deep breath and ran his hand through his messy hair. “Well aren’t you curious? The answer’s yes.” Jack sat in silence. “Are you?”

“…Yeah.”

“So, about my offer…”

Jack shoved his sheets off himself. “Move your ass.” He timidly crawled under Gideon’s sheets. Gideon scooted over. Jack felt Gideon’s arms envelop him and draw him closer to his chest. He felt Gideon’s chin rest on the top of his head and his hand on his back. His face rested on Gideon’s chest, and he could smell the body wash Gideon used. Their legs tangled and intertwined.

For a couple moments, Jack lay stiff in shock in the unfamiliarity of laying so close to Gideon, his hands curled awkwardly at his own chest. However, the warmth was too inviting not too relax. Jack’s eyes fell closed as he focused his attention on the steady rise and fall of Gideon’s chest. His hands released and lay open against Gideon’s chest.

“Are you cold still?” Gideon murmured into his hair.

“No” Jack mumbled. “You’re warm.” He angled his head up slightly to look at Gideon’s face. “Gideon?”

“Yes, Jack?”

“Why did you hold my hand on the helo?”

Gideon tangled his nose in Jack’s messy locks and looked down at Jack.

“Sometimes it looks like that arm isn’t a part of you. I see how you feel broken. Like you aren’t whole. I just wanted you to know that…” he tangled his nose into Jack’s tangled locks. “That the prosthetic is still you. And every part of you is flawless.”

“I-“

“Except your stupid hair.”

“Wow, I almost thought you weren’t going to be a total asshole for a second. You were being really sappy and nice for a moment there.”

“Don’t get used to it.” Gideon grumbled.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” Jack laughed into Gideon’s chest until his smile faded into a semi-frown. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Gideon hummed, signalling his permission.

“When was the last time you cried?”

“You really _did_ mean personal.”

“You don’t have to answe-“

“It’s okay.” Gideon paused to think. “I reckon it was a couple years ago. Six or so. Gunshot to the back of the knee. Hurt like fucking hell. Worst pain I’ve felt.”

“Doesn’t that permanently damage your knee?”

“I had to go through weeks of physio-therapy after surgery. I was lucky.”

“Must have sucked.”

Gideon hummed in agreement. “Why’d you ask?”

“I was just curious.”

“When was the last time you cried?”

“…three weeks ago. I used to cry every day in the shower. It was _bad_. I couldn’t help myself. I was so fucking hopeless. Now I only do it every so often.”

Gideon moved his hand up to Jack’s head and ran his fingers through his messy curls. Jack’s eyes instinctively fell closed.

“You know… that doesn’t make me think any less of you. And you’re not broken.”

“Thanks, Gideon. It means a lot.”

Their conversation drifted off, leaving the sound of only their soft breaths. Jack felt himself fall into sleep.

* * *

Jack woke up with the morning lights shining into his eyes. He instinctively turned his head away from the window, having a moment of surprise at the unfamiliar surface his head lay upon, but instantaneously remembered last night’s events. He settled his head back down and let himself enjoy the sun.

“Morning” a sleepy voice startled him.

“Good morning.” Jack yawned. “…Did we drink last night?”

Gideon snickered. “You having regrets?”

“No, not at all. I’m just wondering how you managed to convince me to get into bed with your ass.”

“With my ass?”

“fuck off.”

Jack sat up and stretched his shoulders. Gideon too sat himself up and rubbed his eyes, looking at the time. It read ‘8:16.’

“Debriefing at 10, remember?” Gideon said.

“Yeah, yeah. I remember.” Jack responded and swung his legs of the bed. “I’m brushing my teeth.”

“Go for it.”

He entered the bathroom, closed the door behind him, and took a deep breath. What the _fuck?_ He had just slept in Gideon’s bed, basically _cuddling_ him. As far as he could tell that wasn’t a common activity for two friends to partake in. Did Gideon want to be more than friends? Did _he_ himself _?_

Obviously that gesture between the two was more than platonic. Jack was often oblivious, but not _that_ oblivious. Gideon’s presence made him feel comforted and safe. That night had been one of the best sleeps he had in ages. In fact, Jack felt lonely without him. He hadn’t noticed how empty it felt to be away from him. He had shrunk from human closeness for so long, maybe it was about time he opened up and let himself be loved.

He finished brushing his teeth and brushed his hair until it was presentable enough. He then changed into his spare clothes.

“Hey, Gideon!” He called through the door. “Just making sure you’re not in the middle of changing.”

“It’s okay!” Gideon called back, so Jack opened the door. Gideon had changed already and stood up to go to the bathroom.

After they had both gotten ready, it was 8:34, and the two were sitting on Gideon’s unmade bed.

“So…” Jack trailed off. “What are we?”

Gideon’s neck flushed an almost undetectable red. “What do you want us to be?”

“I don’t know. I mean, you kind of threw yourself at me. I don’t really know how to feel.” Jack looked distantly into the corner of the room. “I don’t regret anything. It’s just… I don’t understand what you’re looking for.”

“… I haven’t dated anyone in years. My last relationship ended in 2049. It was a long term one, and we had plans on getting married the year after. But when that fell apart, I didn’t really think about restarting. Doing the whole dating thing again. Starting anew.” He ducked his head, looking at his own lap. “The whole thing with Atlas fucked up everything, and I just assumed I’d be single ‘til I died. But recently I’ve started to realize that both of us are looking for something.” He reached over and held Jack’s hand in his. “We’re looking for someone.”

Jack sat in silence, looking away from Gideon. Gideon looked at Jack expectantly, who squeezed Gideon’s hand.

“I’ve felt so lonely. I pushed everyone away because I though I didn’t need people. And… every time I’d go to sleep, I’d feel this crushing sense of isolation that I’d brush off as some symptom of the meds. But I think that was a mistake. I need someone. I think… I need you.” Jack felt Gideon’s hand softly cup his face and face it towards him.

“Well I’m here for you. Always. Remember that.” Time stopped for Jack as Gideon drew his face close to his and placed their lips together in a sweet kiss. He closed his eyes and placed his hand on the back of Gideon’s neck as the two shared the same breath. After a moment or two, they separated from each other, their foreheads still pressed together.

“How long have we known each other? Five, six years?” Jack spoke with disbelief. “And it took us _this_ fucking lon-” Gideon interrupted him by pressing his lips against Jack’s once again. 


End file.
